changes are inevitble

My life is changing very quickly. I found out that i'm pregnant again and my pregnancy is going well. i'm 11 weeks along and i'm not nearly so sick any more.

My husband told me he wants a divorce, that he loves me but he just can't be married to me anymore.  After  a long hard look at my life I've decided i don't think I want to be married to him either.

I'm very sad by all this but I have another life to think about other than my own.

I will be moving soon to a new apartment and living on my own. it  sounds scary but i will only be alone until january and i will have a little one to take care of.

A bittersweet day.

January 13, 2010, was a bittersweet day for me.
         I took January 13th, 2010 off of work and life in general to mourn what once was but also to celebrate what is. I spent the day knitting for myself and taking a relaxing day and meditating.

        On this day a beautiful baby was  scheduled to be born but  was never meant to be. This baby was lost not long after I saw the heartbeat on the monitor. I was only a mother for 7 weeks but this child had a name and a family  who loved it very much.
      
        Through this I have learned many things.
             1. I am not alone. God is with me and He gives me strength.
              2. People can be so cruel and not even realize it. They  mean well but  sometimes the
                  best  thing to say is nothing. It sickens me to think that they actually think they are            
                  helping me feel better.
              3. Some of my co-workers and friends look at me differently. With some I can see the
                  pity in their eyes, others I can see the silent understanding and jut know that they
                  are there for me if i need to talk.
              4. I now understand my family a little better.
              5.  I now understand Eric Clapton's song, "Tears in Heaven."  
              6. I can be happy for others through my pain.
              7.  I can help others through my pain.

My kitten ran away

my kitten, thistle, is no where to be found. i called for her and called for her. shes been out overnight for 2 days now. i miss my cuddle kitten.
i dont want her out there hurt, cold scared and hungry. i just want her back.